I loathe the uncertainty

9 06 2011

Every time I start to relax, something happens. First it was the RE wanting me to start proges.terone, now it’s spotting.

The last two days, about 5-6 hrs into my work day, I use the restroom and find spotting. It’s not much at all, like as in if I was expecting AF, this wouldn’t even prompt me to put in a pantiliner, but it’s enough to still terrify the newly pregnant. I get home, rest, push fluids, and it stops, but it is still enough to cause me to worry. Yesterday at work I did a lot of heavy lifting-all things I normally did before pregnant, which my RE has said was fine to continue, but it was too much I think. Today was a more normal day, less heavy lifting, and the spotting only started at the end of my shift. I think I’m really going to have to start watching how much I lift and relying on my coworkers to lift more, which will drive me batty, as I hate being helpless, but it’s all for a good cause.

The RE says this is normal. They don’t want to do more bloodwork at this point, not unless the spotting is accompanied by heavy cramping or is heavy enough to require a pad. I’ve been told to continue the proges.terone and instead of inserting it at bedtime, insert it when I get home from work and can be mostly sitting/laying for the evening( by the time bedtime rolls around, I was having only 6 or so hours from the time of the suppository until the time I had to get up for work, at which point I was spending about 10 hrs on my feet, so now I have closer to 12 hrs from the time until I get up, and I’m not noticing the horrible clumps of suppository on the pantiliner anymore).

I’ve not told anyone in real life that my scan is next week, other than my husband. Part of it is uncertainty-will we actually find a real live baby on the scan? Will we be stuck in limbo for another week? Will we be given devastating news? I know that if it is not great news, I’ll want time to digest it before we share, and if it is great but surprising news(i.e. twins) I’ll want to have time to decide how I want to share.

I’m still feeling very pregnant. My symptoms are increasing, so I don’t think it is just the proges.terone, but I think part of it still is. The boobs are still a ‘nono zone’ to DH, which he hates. I can’t stand for them to be in a bra, or out of a bra…there’s just not a happy place for them right now. The bloat is crazy…I actually broke the button off my dress pants today, they have both a button clasp and two hook closures..they are tighter on the hook closures, so while I was in a secured area, I had just the button done so I could at least be more comfortable..yeah, bad idea, it snapped right off. I ended up using just the bottom hook closure and tucking the top one to the sides. Food and me are definitely not getting along…if it doesn’t sound good, I cannot eat it. If I cook it, I can’t eat it. And coffee? Oh barf, the smell just makes me want to hurl(which is a bad thing considering A- I work in a grocery store, and B-there is a coffee shop in my store).

Speaking of food, we’ve been invited to a barbecue/housewarming for the friend I talked about in previous posts. I decided to just let her find out via my fac.ebook, and she was very happy for me, and mostly just wanted to know why I hadn’t said anything when they’d been over the day before. Once I explained the reasoning, she understood completely. I’m planning on making at least an appearance at this event, but not sure how long I will be staying since food and I are iffy. It’s only a few blocks from home, so just a quick walk if needed.

I will be so glad for next week to come so I at least have some answers on how ittybitty is doing. I’ll be even more glad to be out of the first trimester so I can enjoy this pregnancy, as a little more certainty comes with that time passing. Right now I am just trying to focus on the little things that are wonderful-like how wonderful everyone has been with congratulating me as the news has spread.

This preggo is going to bed….I’m tired!

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