Moving Forward

21 06 2011

The bleeding finally started on Sunday afternoon. I was figuring it would start over the weekend since I was cramping fairly badly the days prior. It went quickly from spotting to very heavy flow, and the cramps went from bad to kill-me-now. I spent several hours miserable before my heavy duty painkillers kicked in.

Yesterday I broke the rules and spent the day at the beach. We have company in town and it was the only day we had the opportunity to go, so I wasn’t willing to cancel the trip(and at 110 degrees, I wasn’t willing to spend the entire day on the beach fully clothed). It was so good. While I was in the water, I could barely feel the cramping, and I was having too much fun to remember everything. I was just focused on trying to catch the biggest waves possible and boogie board my way in. I did have the heavy bleeding continue all day, and by late last night I was cramping badly again, but it was nice to have a mental break for sure.

I’ve talked a little bit with a few people about how I am coping. I’m really having a hard time dealing with this, but I think part of it is I just haven’t had time to process it. I’ve also felt like I was stuck in a nasty limbo with the waiting. I have one more blood draw to ensure my HCG has hit zero, which I think I will have done either today or tomorrow. I un-froze my fert.ility fr.iend account so I can track this cycle again- I plan on temping and everything since I am sure my body will be whacky after the loss. I’m really hoping AF shows again in a month or so and we can continue with treatment this fall.

I’ve decided as of right now that we will go for it right away. While I am not over this loss, if I waited every single time we were dealt a bad hand to be over it and then for the military to not have stolen my husband, we’d not be anywhere near this point now. Sometimes the best way for me to cope and deal is to just move forward. The plan may change by the time AF shows again, but for now it helps to know we will move forward again.

Thank you to everyone who has commented and given me support over the last week. Your comments mean so much to me. To whomever submitted the news to LFCA, thank you as well…it is so amazing to think of the wonderful support from this community.

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