Drowning.

28 08 2011

Days like today, I feel like I’m drowning.

I’ve been on vacation from work for 8 glorious days. Today is my last day off, and back to the grindstone. Just thinking about it exhausts me, and makes me want to curl up and cry. I have ten more working days until I get to relax and destress some. Yes, you read that right. I turned in my notice a few days ago. I originally was trying to hold out until I had another job lined up to quit, but after some serious talks and looks at finances with Mr. X, we made the decision that it would be okay if I quit now.

My job has started seriously affecting my health in the last few months. I’ve been dealing with a foot injury for the last ten months, and in the last two months it has gone from an annoyance to a serious concern. I’m having more and more scoliosis flares, not sleeping well, and getting migraines like crazy from the stress headaches. The last straw was a stress headache turned migraine that literally had me laid out for two days a week ago, unable to keep anything down or move at all for over 24 hrs of it. All my doctors(especially my RE) are telling me that I need to take it easy, and my job has made it physically impossible to do so.

I wanted to wait until I was on vacation to make a decision, even though I’d said in my last few posts that I was sure I was going to quit. I didn’t know if a few days off would make things manageable, and I’d be able to survive another few months, or if it would just make it clear that I needed to quit. After 3 days, I had my answer. For the first time in a year or more I felt like myself again. I had energy. I wanted to do things with friends. My house was clean. I was motivated to cook. I could work out-and not want to go to sleep immediately.

And now, I am dreading the remaining time at work. I didn’t give them my full reasons for quitting, just told them that I needed to leave for family reasons. Financially, things will be tighter. We cut back some of our expenses(goodbye net.flix, goodbye kin.dle books, goodbye h.bo) and we’ll still be in the green each month, but we won’t be able to shove as much money into the IVF fund. I’m not hopeful of this cycle working out and am just keeping moving forward and saving towards our IVF goal. If we don’t need to use that money, great, but I want it there, just in case, because I don’t want any more excuses as to why we’ve not had a child by that point. If this cycle doesn’t work, the earliest we could have a child would be October 2013…that’s over 2 years away. I don’t want it moved off to 2014 or 2015 because of financial reasons, and neither does Mr. X.

As for Mr. X….he’s been the brunt of some really bad mood swings this week. The clo.mid really seems to be affecting me this time-horrible mood swings, hot flashes like crazy, etc. I started OPK’s today and they are definitely negative for now. I’m just hoping I don’t respond super early and have to change my monitoring appointment.  On a side note, I am not a fan of the digi OPK’s, and definitely will not be using them again. I’m going to pick up a box of the regular ones as well to double check since I’m wary. I’m totally stocked up on HPT’s though, as I’ve scored some really good deals on them lately…like 6 FRER for $7. I figure they don’t expire until late 2013, so I can hold onto them for a while or pass them on to a friend at that price.

I’m just hoping I survive the next ten days. That my body responds well and as we hope to the clo.mid. That we get to trigger and do the IUI with 2-3 mature follicles. If I can get through these ten days and have these 3 things happen, I’ll call life good…until I start obsessing during the 2ww.

 

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One response

29 08 2011
Sharron

Oh honey. It sounds like you seriously need a rest. Sending strength your way.

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