Looking back: 1 year ago, 2 years, 3 years, and more

8 05 2012

I know I’ve got some other posts going on right now, but I want to take a look back at where we have been and how far we have come in the last years. This series of posts is going to be ongoing for quite some time. Most of this is for my own memory keeping, but I’m putting it out on my public blog  because it just might interest someone else.

A year ago today, was Mother’s Day. Not just Mother’s Day, but also my first follicle scan on our first donor cycle. I was terrified. I knew how my body had reacted 3 years before and since it hadn’t worked the same now, what did that mean for me? Little did I know, one of those 3 follicles would turn out to be our IttyBitty. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year.

Two years ago, we were in the adjustment phase with my stepchildren living with us. Things were brutal, and I was questioning whether we would even get to move on to the next step of MA in the next 5 years.

Three years ago, we were excited and terrified and uncertain. A lot of things were up in the air for us, and we’d been dealt the blow from our local doctor that we had to do IVF to have biological children.

Four years ago, I was in the midst of my second clomid cycle ever, and the first to actually work. I had 6 follicles and my doctor still triggered me, which shocks me now, but at the time I had no idea. I was so hopeful that cycle was going to work.

Five years ago, I was trying to figure out WTF what was going on with my body. It had been almost 3 months since I had seen AF, and I had strange pains down near my pelvis. I had no idea what was to come the next month for me(massive ruptured cysts and finally a diagnosis).

 

Looking back, I can’t believe it’s only been 5 years since we really started this journey. I was so naive then in the ways of TTC. I never thought we’d get pregnant and have a baby right off the bat, but I never could have imagined that this many years later we’d still be childless. I’ve come so far in coping with that too. Two and three years ago, I was so angry and depressed about our situation, almost all the time. I remember crying myself to sleep for months on end because I was so upset. I wallowed in my pain and anger, and let it consume me and my life. I’m still angry, and I still have my moments, but I’ve learned to deal with them better, and I know now that even without children we still have a wonderful life.

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One response

8 05 2012
Elizabeth M

Five years IS a long time. I’m so inspired by your words and your courage! Keep on going! It’s hard to look back on milestones and I haven’t even had nearly as many as you have. Thanks for being so open in sharing your journey.

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