BF…..

11 06 2012

This is the post I have been dreading writing for a week now. Actually, since this cycle began. Because I knew, no matter what, it wasn’t going to be an easy post to write.

If this cycle ended in a BFP, it wasn’t going to be a post of excitement. It was going to be a post of nerves, because we’ve done the BFP thing…and it’s not worked out yet.

If this cycle ended in a BFN, it was going to be a post of sadness, because this was our one and only shot this year.

Instead, this post gets to be one of anger.

You see, this cycle didn’t end in a BFN. But it didn’t end in a BFP either.

To explain, I’d been testing out the trigger daily from the time of the IUI. I was watching the lines get lighter, then at 7DPO, I thought I was hallucinating. The line was darker than the day before. I immediately freaked out, and asked a few friends to look at the tests and see if I was imagining things. I wasn’t. Shit. I really started freaking out. I’d not been surprised by the fact that it was positive, but more so by the fact that it was positive so early. I had tons of symptoms of pregnancy, and my gut told me that I was pregnant.

Tests continued to get darker for a few days, and then my worst nightmare occurred. The lines stopped getting darker. They started getting lighter, and then became a BFN. My symptoms decreased, and AF showed a few days ‘late’. This period has been horrible, and just like my last miscarriage.

My beta came back at a 4, indicating that I had been pregnant but no longer was. My RE has no answers for me as to why this happened, but I’m mostly angry. I’ve long since known and been diagnosed with LPD, and been told that it was probable that I would need progesterone support in order to sustain a pregnancy. I was put on progesterone with my pregnancy last spring, and they were considering it with last fall’s loss as well but the second beta did not double so they refused to put me on progesterone. I asked about it again when we started this time and was told that it wasn’t necessary until AFTER I had two betas that doubled properly. Even though I requested a progesterone check sooner and asked to start it at 3DPO, my RE’s office refused, saying it was not their policy to start progesterone early on for non-IVF patients unless they had at least 3 documented losses that were due to low progesterone.

I can understand that it’s not blanket policy to start patients on progesterone early, but I have a documented history of luteal phase problems. This is in my chart from even before this RE, and is something I have brought up multiple times. I’m willing to pay the costs out of pocket- why is this office against listening to me? I know now that in the future, I will INSIST on being able to start progesterone at no later than 3DPO, because I’d rather deal with the nasty side effects and the added cost rather than another loss.

So now we wait once more. We can’t cycle again this year due to our move and having to get situated with new doctors. So maybe 2013 will be our year. Or maybe 2013 will be the year we decide we can’t bear the heartbreak any further and move on to a child free life.

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8 responses

11 06 2012
Kelly

I am so sorry for your loss and for your RE’s office not listening to you.

11 06 2012
alicia

Im so sorry girl………..have you considered going to a different RE? An entirely new office I mean. I would find another place to go. You are the patient, the customer, they should listen to you. (((hugs)))). It will happen for you girl, I know it will.

11 06 2012
jen

There is literally one RE’s office in the city nearest me, and it’s the only one my insurance will cover at all(for early pregnancy monitoring and consults). The next closest they cover is several hours away. We’ll be starting over with a new RE next year, in a new location as well.

12 06 2012
Elizabeth

Oh my goodness.. I’m SO sorry! And I think it’s absolutely deplorable that your RE won’t put you on progesterone. I’m so sorry. =(

12 06 2012
Audrey

Oh man, I’m so sorry! Everything about this sucks. I hope your new RE will listen to you so that you can get a bfp that sticks!

19 06 2012
Fiona McIntyre

Oh Jen 😦 I truly wish doctors would trust us on our instincts. I’m so sorry xx

19 06 2012
mountainmomma80

I’m sorry that you are going through this. My RE wouldn’t do progesterone either. It sucks. Once I finish school (two more years) then we will be going to see a different RE, but where I am, the closest one (other than mine) is a 2.5 hour drive, one way.

Hang in there. I know it sucks. I’m sorry that it sucks. I believe that we will both get our babies one day though. (((hugs)))

19 07 2012
Georgette

It’s not a progesterone problem. Your chemical pregnancies and MCs are probably due to an immunology problem, and 99.9% of the REs aren’t aware of, or comfortable exploring, reproductive immunology. The tests that can reveal why you have lost so many pregnancies aren’t even done at more than 2-3 labs in the US, and RPL testing doesn’t include immunology testing. There’s so much more, please come read the FAQ on our Immunological Infertility board here:
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/Circles/viewtopic.php?t=2512058
or check out Dr. Braverman’s website at http://www.preventmiscarriage.com/ (I’m not working for him!) or email me, georgetteoden at yahoo dot com.

Hug.

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