I am grieving someone

15 11 2012

We live in a technological generation. Obviously so, since you are reading this blog. We google every symptom, blog our rants and raves, search for treatment options online, ask on message boards for advice and support. Most of us have never met in person. We hide behind our online identities. I am not ashamed of my infertility, but it’s not all my story to share. My husband isn’t comfortable with everything being public knowledge, nor do I want everything shared with everyone, so here we sit, in our semi anonymity, and find those that are in similar boats.

I was on a blog reading spree and found a bunch of quotes and songs that stuck with me. The biggest one was this:

I am grieving someone I haven’t even met yet.

Some of us in the ALI community have met the babies we dream of, but the majority of us are still waiting to meet the babies that will make our dreams come true. We are mostly surrounded by people who can’t at all understand what we are dealing with, who are SAFP(Smug Annoying Fertile People), or even worse- former IF’ers who have forgotten what this world is like. We are connected online via this invisible thread, and cling to each other for the support we all so desperately need. We may never have seen a picture of each other, but we know intimate details of each others lives. We give each other hope, and a virtual shoulder to cry on when things are bad. We are there for each other- even though we have never met.

I’ve reconnected more with some old friends, and found solace and comfort with someone IRL who understands just how awful this is.I’m choosing to cherish the friendships I have made online through this difficult journey, because they have helped teach me even more so what a friend truly is and how they behave. I am grieving the loss of some online friendships that have perished because people have forgotten that everyone has value outside of being a mother, and that people need to hear that. I am grieving the loss of dreams, and finding new ones to try and grasp on to as life unfolds.

I guess after yesterday’s post that more people are reading this blog than I thought. If you are reading this, please leave a comment on this post with your blog link, if nothing more, so that I can follow you and offer you some support as well. if you don’t have a blog, even just a comment with a name(fake or real) will help me get to know you, and know that there are people out there who can understand.

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8 responses

16 11 2012
Sarah C.

🙂 I am reading. I’m very thankful for online communities. I’ve met some amazing and inspiring ladies. My blog is new
http://www.mrsscorner.blogspot.com

16 11 2012
cassiedash

I don’t do much commenting here, but I have been reading. I love that quote you shared. It’s true, isn’t it? We’re all grieving, in one way or another. Hang in there. I know it’s not easy.

16 11 2012
Rachel

I love you JenJen. I so wish I could wave a magic wand and you have everything you deserve. It is heartbreaking.

16 11 2012
KelBel

I have been a lurker of your’s but no more…
I really connected with the quote “I am grieving someone I haven’t met yet”…that is just what I am doing now.
Sending you hugs and positive vibes.
KelBel
http://ouryellowbrickrd.blogspot.com

16 11 2012
frozenorangejuice

That is an awesome quote about the IF journey. I’m Frozenoj from JM and my blog is at http://frozenojsconcentratedlife.blogspot.com.

17 11 2012
Foxy

Hey Jen, You’ve been on my blogroll for ages. I am not as good about commenting as I used to be, but do read whenever I have a free minute.
I do hope that you find the healing that you are looking for this holiday.
xoxo – foxy (myfoxyfamily.com)

24 11 2012
E

I’ve been following your blog for quite awhile and was on the JM boards. You’re in my thoughts and prayers daily.

4 12 2012
JarkArse

I think of you all of the time, love. I know I cant relate in the same way as others can, but my heart breaks and bursts for you always.

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