11 06 2013

<a summary of the past 6 months, because I don’t feel like publishing all 50+ posts I have in draft form as password protected.>

In December, I had just miscarried after a shocking natural bfp. While I was miscarrying, I got the flu, horrifically. I spent almost 3 weeks miserable in bed after meds and everything, just completely exhausted. Influenza is no joke.

We knew we wanted to ttc again but weren’t going to really try anything. no opk’s, nada…just pretending we were naive and innocent people. We figured come spring we’d try again and hope for a late fall due date. We went home to visit in january for a few weeks and since we were staying with family, didn’t really have much of a chance to dtd much less think about ttc. We got back to where we live supe.rbowl weekend and I tested just so that I could have a few drinks without worry. It was positive. 3 weeks later I miscarried again, days before my pren.atal appointment. and then that weekend my friend lost her sweet baby that I posted about.

Needless to say I was a completely and emotional wreck. As much as I desperately wanted to be pregnant and have a baby, emotionally I was in a place where I just could  not handle the thought of TTC. We avoided for my march cycle and then DH convinced me to try again in April. However my body was beyond fucked up with stress and hormones, so it took forever for me to O. I wasn’t even sure if I had ever O’d and was thinking it would be an anovulatory cycle.

Nope. Mother’s Day brought a faint BFP. The next day it was darker. One beta was good..the second not so good. I miscarried less than a week later. At that point DH said enough. We either had to be done TTC naturally or I had to be willing to go back to the RE. I can’t be done, so I guess we are heading back to the RE.

However, I’m not willing to do IUI’s right now. I just can’t spend that kind of money for now. I’d love it if they’d give me meds to ovulate, a trigger shot, and progesterone, and tell me to come in for bloodwork and monitoring. Let me do what I want please…but I’m not hopeful. I think we’ll start in July..just depends on when we can get in to the RE.




3 responses

11 06 2013

Wow. I can’t believe all you’ve been through. I’m so, so sorry. 😦 Hugs

12 06 2013

It f***ing kills me how much youve had to suffer on this journey. Absolutely kills me. I pray to gods that you find yourselves getting exactly what you want from the doctors when you go back, and I pray like hell that no matter what, your arms become full with life.

Not sure if I have ever mentioned it, and I have no idea if its ever even been considered by you, never mind the probably poor timing…..but Id surrogate for you in a heartbeat.
I love you, poops. Nothing but love to you.

16 06 2013

ugh. I am so sorry that you are still going through all this crap. I hope that you can find an RE to do the things that you would like. Most times, doctors just need to listen. (((hugs)))

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