yet another reason I hate February

2 05 2014

Sometimes in your gut, you just know. So you pee on a test, even though you know the answer. And you see two lines at 9 DPO.

Then you start freaking out. Terror. Excitement. Hope. Wariness. Fear. Joy. Nerves galore.

So the next day you pee on another test. Barely darker. Start freaking out but remind yourself that this early on you won’t see much of a difference in test lines. You keep a secret even as a friend tells you they are expecting again after a big struggle with infertility for pregnancy #1, because if you say the words, it could all end already.

And you pee again the next day, on a good test this time. Total dud. WTF??? How does a good test let you down? But the cheapy test is darker. Breathe. You can do this.

The cycle continues, another day, another peestick, another dud, but of a different style. You rant and rave, and wish your doctor would get back to you so you can get a beta.

Finally you get a new box of peesticks. A nice set of lines on a GOOD brand test.

You breathe. You cherish the few days. You tell a few people.

 

And then, once again, you regret it. Because life fucks you over one more time. One more loss. Another baby gone. Another reason to fucking hate February.

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2 responses

3 05 2014
Jen

Ugh, I’m so sorry!! I can’t imagine that roller coaster you’re on. It sounds just awful!

5 05 2014
snowbaby

((((hugs)))) xx

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