Kicking myself in gear

27 06 2012

When I was a kid, I could eat anything I wanted and never gain an ounce. I was a twig, and I had no idea that those habits were leading me to future struggle.

Puberty hit, and with istated darted getting curves. By the time I was 14, I was a B cup, and wore a size 6/8 in pants to accommodate my “childbearing hips”, but I was active in soccer and walking all over the place since I couldn’t drive and stayed in decent shape.

In high school, I started to gainweight, but it was nothing that bad. By the time I graduated, I was about 15lbs over mideally weight, and my undiagnosed PCOS and Endo were starting to rear their ugly heads. After a summer on my own, I got engaged that fall and started a campaign to lose 30ish lbs before my wedding a year later. It was the first time in my life that I had to work at my weight. I started weight watchers, and worked out the dorm gym when I could. My college campus was on a hill, with the dorms at top and most my classbottom the bottom. I walked back and forth at least twice a day. I worked 10 miles from school, and while I took the bus and train to and from work, there was still a mile or more to walk between all those things. The summer after that year, I worked for a mega store, in the meat and dairy department. I did some serious heavy lifting, and a lot of walking and running from home to work and back, since my brother wrecked our car the first week of summer and I didn’t want to purchase a vehicle since I was moving overseas at the end of summer.

The day came for my wedding, and I’d lost over 40 lbs. I rocked my dress, and for the first time in my life I felt comfortable in a bikini. But shortly after, the cycle of doom started. I’d done a 3 month cycle of bcp in order to avoid my period for the wedding, and to see if it would help with my unofficially diagnosed endo. We moved to Italy, and I stopped the bcp after having a reaction to it, only 7 weeks in.

By our one year anniversary, I had regained the majority of the weight I had lost for the wedding. I was eating decently, exercising, but struggling with major depression and PCOS issues. That was about the time I was officially diagnosed.

The last 5 years have been the same struggle. Lose weight, gain it back, pregnancy , pregnancy loss. Move somewhere, make friends, friends leave, depression, happy, it’s all the roller coaster.

Last year when we started treatments, I had lost 20 lbs and had probably gained several pounds of muscle. It’s been a pretty shitty year and a downward spiral, including a gain of every pound I had lost and then a few extra.

I have six months where I am not allowing myself to talk about TTC. those months are going to be used to kick my ass into gear. I started back on my hated workouts today in addition to running, and am working on cleaning up my eating habits as well.

Ive always wanted to be fit when pregnant, and while 6 months work probably won’t get me to my goal, it will get me a lot closer than I am now. I don’t intend to post exact numbers, but I might post pictures after I hit my first goal.


Anyone else out there trying to stay fit or get fit while doing the whole TTC thing? Any interest in a weekly fitness roundup? Or challenges? I’d love to hear from you guys with advice!